“Men Are The New B*tches” Toni Braxton Said She Was Angry About Having To Pay Alimony
(MN) Yesterday, Toni Braxton’s episode of “The Red Table Talk” aired on Facebook. Braxton sat down with Jada Pinkett Smith and her mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris (aka Gam) to discuss the topic of divorce. And there was plenty of experience at the table. Gam has been divorced three different times and is now on her fourth marriage.
And Braxton divorced her husband, Mint Condition member, Keri Lewis, after twelve years of marriage. But it wasn’t a seamless, painless process. In fact, Braxon said she hated everything about it. And there were a few other interesting revelations along the way, from all three women.
Dating after divorce
My husband became my boyfriend and we were attempting to salvage the relationship again. We were hopeful and we dated for a good year and a half, almost two years after we got a divorce. It was cutting the cord slowly, like sawing the cord before we snipped it. It still hurt badly.
I don’t think the kids knew that we were divorced. I thought we were going to get back together. And we were clever. At least, we thought we were. We assumed that maybe the kids won’t notice but when you get older you realize, ‘The kids know everything.’
Why they broke up.
I felt shallow because my ex-husband and I broke up because of money issues. I found out I had Lupus as the time. I couldn’t make money because I had to cancel the shows. That was my personal contribution for the marriage failing. Because who wants to take care of a person who’s sick all the time? But he never said that. But I felt it. I remember a few times being in the hospital ill and he would come late in the day or maybe the next day and I would think, ‘Oh, he’s not coming because I’m sick.’ I never talked to my ex-husband about it. I probably should have. But money was just the decoration on the tree.
The tree itself was that I felt because I was sick, he left. So it made me insecure. I always felt like if I didn’t get sick and I could have continued to work, we wouldn’t have had that deficit. It wouldn’t have shown its face and we probably would have still been together.
Yes. I had to pay alimony. I was one of those girls. It’s me, it’s Britney, it’s Halle, Mary is allegedly. I was very, very angry about that. But it was because we had an existing prenup and post-nup. I wanted to renig. I’m going to be honest. I thought he should say no. Even though, if it were reserved, we would expect him to make sure the lady was ok. And so I can’t really bitch about it too much. However semicolon, whoa. That was a tough pill. I was angry about that. I went through this whole phase, ‘Ooo men are the new bitches.’ That’s how I felt. That’s what I was so angry about. I was like I have to get out the bed so I can pay this debt.
Jada on divorce
For me personally, I’m not mature enough to handle a divorce. I don’t think I’ll ever be mature enough. Because when you have to go in, breaking up assets. That’s when the red table will turn upside down and it won’t be red no more. This joker be smashed in shambles. I know what I can do and I know what I can’t. I actually have more maturity to figure it out within and work with that I got.
Toni’s parents’ divorce
They don’t like each other, still. And then sometimes the children feel divided. I don’t want to love my dad too loud in front of my mom. That’s the toughest part. And like I said, I’m a grown woman. I was 32 when my parents got a divorce. And my parents divorced because of infidelity and my mother felt complete betrayal.
I often think, like if my kids are going through something in school with their grades, I would say, ‘My kids are doing this because of the divorce.’ I was blaming myself like, ‘I shouldn’t have challenged the relationship. I should have just stayed in it and made it work and figured it out like I always do.’ I still struggle everyday with guilt. I said, ‘I’m giving my children issues. I’m giving them a deficit. I’m adding to their pain.’ And I hate that for my children. Is this the moment, I scarred him.
It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t a nasty divorce. I can remember flying home from somewhere and being angry. Because I was like, ‘We could have had such a great life together if you would just…if you would just.’ Something other than who he was. I think that was really the issue for him, you don’t really love someone if you’re constantly trying to change them. I just don’t think he really appreciated the woman that I was. I did not want to go through another divorce, I really didn’t. My sister passed. I had a cousin that passed and I was like, ‘I can’t do this.’Life is too short. I have got to be happy.’ And I was just miserable.
I don’t think we were really, really friends. And I think that is so important. I think that now I’m married to my best friend.
Toni on working on Family
It has caused friction in some of my post situations because holidays, it’s me, the kids and their dad. He’s an extension of my family. Not just because he’s my kids’ dad but because he was a part of my life. It’s kind of tough blending families. It gets difficult waking up Christmas morning and my baby daddy is there.