Sex & Relationships

Is There Anything Wrong With Being Direct About Only Wanting To “Hook Up”

As much as we “communicate”using technology, we often use veiled language to express our actual thoughts. After all, how many times have you typed ‘LOL’ when you actually didn’t think anything was funny? It happens often, especially in the days of early dating.

How do we communicate what we want out of a connection with virtual strangers? Is it better to be direct when we just want to ‘hook up’ with a potential bae versus start a whole relationship?

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“There is a right and a wrong way to tell someone you just want to hook up,” sexologist Megan Stubbs, told InStyle. “It’s all about open communication.” Of course, being straightforward about only wanting sex can rub some people the wrong way. “You can’t just walk into a date and say ‘Hey, how are you, I’m only interested in hooking up, is that cool?’” she explained. 

“But there are ways to mention the fact that a serious relationship just isn’t something you’re looking for at the moment.”

Pay attention to those LOOKING FOR boxes on online dating forms. If someone says “just casual” don’t hype yourself up to change their mind.

“You’re wasting one another’s time,” Stubbs said. “You won’t be able to convince [him]/her to take [him/her] expectations down any more than she will be able to convince you to dial them up.”

But if you meet someone online, how do you slowly drop the bomb that you don’t want anything serious without being rude? Stubbs presents this scenario:

“Past relationships, jobs situations, or travel plans are all normal conversations to have on a first date. They’re also reasons why people may not want to commit. So if the person across from you asks about your work, you can fully tell them about how crazy your schedule is. “And then it’s easy to say ‘That’s why I’m interested in a more casual relationship at the moment,’ and then see what her response is,” Stubbs says.


Whichever your approach is, it’s better to do it sooner than later. “It’s just easier to do it before emotions get too heavy,” Stubbs said.

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